In order to not have to make 2 trips to the car, I REALLY struggled to climb the two flights of stairs to my flat carrying my cram-packed handbag and full gym bag (including trainers, huge towel, gym clothes, toiletries etc) on one shoulder, work laptop bag (jammed tightly full of laptop & charg...er and three thick files of work papers) on the other shoulder, and holding three FULL bags of supermarket shopping (including tins, potatoes, etc etc.) - wearing a heavy winter coat and heeled shoes too... everything was so heavy, my shoulders hurt, my arms ached, I stopped halfway up for a brief rest, and was getting a little breathless by the top. I got into the flat and before dropping my bags I stuggled on and stepped straight on the scales. 226lbs. (Without all the bags & coat I'm 182lbs.) So... the point? In the few months running up to January 2010 I weighed 240lbs. I've probably weighed more than 226lbs for most of the first year I lived here. And I used to have to climb these stairs to my flat EVERY SINGLE DAY. Carrying stuff, more often then not. (Though no gym bag obviously, lol.) The difficult journey up the stairs to my flat was a major reminder of what I have already done for my health these past couple of years, and what more I can do if I focus and keep going. I kinda want to cry with joy. xHow great is that??! I really thought a lot last night about what I was doing, and where I was headed, and went to bed happy.
So today you'd expect I'd be all super-motivated to eat well, and really kick off my weightloss again, right? *facepalm* I've eaten so much junk today it's hard to believe. Sweets, chocolate, marshmallow 'til it came out of my ears (errr, not really), cheese, white bread, and about 15 mugs of tea with milk... I'm kind of ashamed of myself. I wonder what it is about the deep, dark parts of my psyche that want to sabotage myself whenever I get a tiny step closer to believing in myself??? *frown* Got to figure it out, and obliterate it.
Exercise rest day, today. Busy couple of days ahead of me. x
Such a cool moment to make those huge changes really sink in. Fabbo :)
ReplyDeleteI hear you on the self-sabotage, I'm trying to rebuild after a whole freaking week of it, d'oh. was there anything going on when the junk thing happened? hope you are okay comrade xx
Nothing really going on, just usual 'life' stuff. I'm pretty sure it was simple sabotage. Which sucks, lol. Thanks hon. Hope we can catch up soon? x x
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