59/100 - pick back up, move on - I've got this

Just as quickly as the "ups" come, the "downs" often follow... I've started today a little underwhelmed with things, and on the verge of getting demoralised, and it's incredibly important this year that as soon as I notice that happening, I do something about it. I can't let low moods spiral this year, and I have to accept there will be difficult days, so pretty much most of what I'll do today is really focus on this, and push forward. So what's threatening to get me down? If I break it down and 'laugh at myself', it'll make me realise how daft I'm being, and if I counter the negatives with stronger positives, that'll help adjust the mindset. This is a great wee exercise I'll probably use a lot this year, to work on the emotional/mental aspects of my journey.

I woke up before the alarm (loud winds rattling at the windows, and some work stress on my mind), but not early enough to warrant trying to go back to sleep, so I got up. This already starts me off slightly on edge. After a trip to the bathroom, I step on the scales for my 2nd weekly weigh-in. 201.2lbs, 5lbs off in 2 weeks - that's great, right?? Well, not to me it wasn't... 2 days ago I'd been 200.2 - and while I know that weight fluctuates normally throughout the week (hence weekly weigh-in) I was frustrated that the scales tipped this way on my official weigh-in date! Also, I had really hoped to just sneak in under 200lbs, i.e. back into "Onederland" (a weight beginning with 1) - and while realistically I know 5lbs in 2 weeks is still pretty damn epic, 6½lbs would have been epic-er! I was frustrated, and continued to tell myself it was just how the week fluctuates, and I'll see a drop again next week. I was pretty much mantra-ing as I made my cup of tea "this is still just the beginning, this is still just the beginning..."

After a light pre-gym "breakfast" (it's not really a breakfast, it's just a single bit of toast, to give me a little fuel for my workout without being something sitting heavily on my stomach), I went on facebook, watched a bit of TV, and got dressed for the gym. It was really windy out, and I ummed and ahhed a bit about which jacket to wear, which meant I ended up dashing out the house without my pedometer on my waistband!!! I can honestly say that's only the 2nd time I've done that, since I bought it 9 months ago. I felt wrong-wrong-wrong on the drive to the gym, putting me a little further on edge. Not tracking my footsteps for something in the region of 80 minutes isn't exactly end of the word territory, is it?!! But I want to - and I was annoyed that I won't have it now. Plus, I have this 'habit' now, of occasionally touching my hand to my waistband and feeling the fitbit sitting in its place - it's become kind of a comforter, if that makes sense (it doesn't, lol). But anyway, nothing i could do (other than spend the whole gym session irritated about it) so I got on with things.

The workout included a pretty tough circuit this morning – I keep forgetting I’m still VERY unfit, and still VERY heavy, until I do a circuit that involves moving my body around a lot. I’m trying to be dead positive about it, like it will be helping me get to my goals, and the lighter I get the easier this sort of circuit will get... but it’s tough, it was a bit of a slap in the face. It shouldn’t have been difficult, as such, but I was an absolute wreck, struggled horribly to get through the second set, and was in no position to even start a third. It was a circuit of exercises including kettlebell swings, mountain climbers,18inch step-ups with high knee raise, incline press-ups, bicycle crunches, bosu burpees and plank... and it was the step-ups that absolutely killed me! Put left leg up onto the box, step up but lift right knee high, then back to floor, and alternate to the other side. I’m hoisting up well over 90kgs of Sarah every single time, and I was sweating buckets and feeling exhausted (plus my hamstrings are slightly DOMSy from Tuesday night’s deadlifts) - it frustrates the hell out of me. I’m just not fit enough yet. But I’m still seriously just at the beginning of this year’s journey, and I really shouldn’t get demoralised. Next time I try this circuit, it'll be easier. And of course, this is all part of what's helping me get fitter. I just couldn't help but be disappointed in myself... which is daft. I think the way the morning had already started was a factor, of course.

Anyway, got into work later that planned this morning, and it's lunchtime while I type this, so in theory I should go out for a walk, but the weather is less than friendly for that!! That said, the pedometer needs to play catch-up... Dammit, okay then, I'm away out. Nipping a disappointed/demoralised attitude in the bud before it flowers. The "new" approach. x