26/100 - a new PB

In order for me to feel really motivated by my journey, I've discovered over time that recognising small victories along the way really pushes me. When I stopped recording fitness and weight details, etc, I lose sight of that particular benefit, but now I've started writing it down again, it's all flooding back. Especially because this morning at the gym, I smashed my deadlift personal best, with a lift of 70kgs, woohoo!! I think I can possibly lift heavier, and I know I WILL the more training I do, but this morning, lifting 70kgs was enough to really put a smile on my face. A PB, a step forward, and actually proper write-it-down-and-look-at-it evidence that I'm progressiong, even if the girl in the mirror doesn't seem to be.

The problem with having really let myself go this past year or so means physically I'm nowhere near where I was at the time, and this morning that was evident when I pulled a workout tshirt out of the neglected "too big for me now" bag, and not oly did it fit, it was actually a bit too tight. In the gym, I had to kept pulling it down, as it rode up over my bulging waist every few minutes. I got really disspirited when I was on the treadmill, because I caught sight of my reflection as I was hoisting at the bottom of the tshirt again while plodding along - it must only have been 15 or 16 months ago that I put it in the 'too big' carrier bag I had then shoved under the bed. I'm loathe to try on any of the other items in there, but I know I should. I just hate that I've let myself get to this stage AGAIN, and it was a real struggle to keep going on the treadmill when I was really starting to talk very badly to myself... but I kept going.

When I lose weight and drop clothing sizes, I often throw out the bigger clothes, or give them to charity shops, but I keep a few items here and there. I've kept my biggest ever trousers, for example, because my secret cheesy-as-hell dream is to have one of those photographs you see in the women's magazines where a woman gets both legs into one leg of a pair of trousers that once fit her properly : "I stopped eating lard, and lost half my weight!" - "I lost 7 stone and found true love!" - "I got stuck in a chair and it spurred me to lose 100lbs!" - etc. - On difficult days, I daydream about what my headline might be, but I'm moving in the wrong direction. I have to STOP beating myself up for that, and like the picture above says, I have to re-direct that energy elsewhere.

This morning after I left the gym having done my deadlift PB, I realised my frame of mind from being on the treadmill just half an hour earlier had completely disappeared, and in its place I was feeling pride (a very rare emotion for me), excitement and wonderment. Getting home for my shower and breakfast before heading into work, almost on auto-pilot I made a heathy breakfast (grilling bacon and slicing it up to eat with scrambled eggs and sauteed sliced tenderstem broccoli) and when I got to work, today was honestly the first work day in weeks where I haven't had a 10am hot roll from the canteen (haggis, sausage, black pudding, whatever took my fancy that day). There has to be a correlation between acknowledging an achievement, and being automatically motivated to achieve more. I'm grabbing it, and this is what I need to keep working on. You kow, along with all the rest of the stuff.... ;-) x