Well, that was an 'interesting' parkrun, this morning....
I've had myself on a bit of a mental rollercoaster for a few days, and woke this morning feeling deeply uninspired with the whole 'exercise' thing. To be honest, doing a 100-day blogging challenge is great in keeping me feeling accountable; I needed to do some exercise today, or face typing up yet another 'rest day' post..! So, I got up and grabbed my usual half-wholewheat bagel, with a big mug of tea.
It was stunning outside - one of those amazing autumnal days where the sun is out, the trees are almost leafless (I'm 90% sure that's a real word), the wind is down, the air is fresh and cold, and the ground is dry and welcoming. I decided against a long-sleeve top, after the over-heating incident earlier in the week, and layered a t-shirt and vest top instead.
Got to parkrun and had a wander as a warm-up, no extra running today, lol. Chatted to some of the regulars, and waited for the start. From the outset, I felt I was heading off a wee bit too fast, but regardless the front-runner beat me to the 1-mile tree (only he was at 2.1 miles at that point). I suspected he was an under-17 minuter, which it turns out he was. I congratulated him as he passed me, and checked my Garmin - I did the first mile in 11:03, so not fast, but not slow either.
Here, though, my brain started to play silly beggars with me, and I started to think about some of the current anxieties plaguing me. At this point I was running past the runners coming the other way, gave a couple of encouraging shout-outs to some of the friendly regulars who cheer me on as they pass (or try to give me high-fives, lmao - I MUST start doing that more often....). I was struggling, though, mentally - I knew I wasn't tiring, or my legs sore, or anything like that. I can't even blame yesterday's killer cardio session - I just honestly stopped wanting to be there.
At the fork, I thought back to when I marshaled this point a month or two back - I was very vocally encouraging all of the runners, demanding PBs (I think that week was the highest PB tally in over 6 months, not that I'm showing off..... hehe), and trying to spur folk on. And yet, I just can't seem to do the same to myself!!
I was walking at 1.4 miles, which is unusual for me lately. I ran/walked for a while, being encouraged by other regular back-of-the-pack runners as they passed me, but disheartened to see the tail-runner not too far behind. Mentally, I was in tatters. Onwards I went.
Eventually, inevitably, the tail-runner caught me up. I'm pretty sure he thought I was a first-timer, from the way he was encouraging me. I get that a lot. I started to try and appreciate the gorgeous day, rather than the fact I was fading - it really is a beautiful place to run. (Or, errr, walk.) The last stretch loomed closer, and I picked up my feet and ran slowly away from the tail-runner, passing three women. But I couldn't (didn't) maintain anything in the last 300m, and all three ran past me to the line. I finished last, for the first time in maybe 8 or 9 months. The smiling faces of the volunteers and hanger-arounders (what? that's totally a word) kept me from getting too annoyed - I'd still ran/walked 5km, it was 5km more than I would have done today had I stayed in bed.
I'm not going to let my last place (and slower than usual time of 38:02) get me down. I know I'm not doing anywhere NEAR enough running at the moment, but today it wasn't my body that let me down. Once again, it was all in my head.
Ach well. I'll figure it out, one day. Roll on next week. x
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