Irrationality

Today's exercise was a 5 mile walk in the city bathed in sunshine; the sort of day where I suddenly feel like I want to buy organic veg and artisan bread. (I don't do that very often. I am a sucker for sunny weather and swanky organic deli shops.) I had a rest day yesterday, but a good gym session on Thursday, and today my hamstrings are letting me know they enjoyed the challenge of Thursday's straight-leg deadlifts!!! I love that kind of background muscle ache that reminds you that you pushed yourself in your last workout; you went that wee bit further, heavier, longer, than usual, and your muscles are happily growing while you get on with your day. Plus, it was sunny, and who can feel bad when it's sunny???

Anyway, while I was walking my mind turned to something I'm reading about at the moment: self-acceptance. Now, I have to say first and foremost, I hate that term. I do not want to 'accept' someone I am actively changing. However, a lot of the concepts at the heart of self-acceptance are those that I should absolutely be grabbing with both hands. Things like modifying how you react to things; it's not about never having negative thoughts, but rather accepting they're there, and being kinder to yourself. You can't be positive and upbeat all the time, the aim is to change unhealthy negative emotions into more 'healthy' ones. Unhealthy ones are those such as anxiety, damning anger, shame, guilt, jealousy and hurt. Healthy negative emotions would be concern, annoyance, regret, remorse, disappointment... Acknowledge you have these emotions, and don't feel bad about yourself for having them. Then work on changing your thinking. So I thought about how to overcome anxiety by challenging irrational beliefs and putting new thinking in place.

I am anxious about going for a run with a social group of confident, regular runners tomorrow. It's a distance which is out of my comfort zone, on trails, I am much slower and unconfident than everyone else, and I know I'll hold people back, and need to walk. So I'm thinking through the irrational beliefs, and for each one, I'm challenging it, and turning it around. Or trying! I'm doing okay, actually. I think... I'm still apprehensive, and I'm sure I'll continue worrying for a bit longer tonight, but it's definitely helped to go through the actual irrational beliefs one by one.

I actually feel that I'm doing really very well this year at challenging the anxieties and negativities I've had for many years. I'm not saying I'm doing wicked-awesome-amazing at that, but in terms of 'winning the war' I'm definitely making some pretty good progress. The person I am now is a million miles away from the one I was 3½ to 4+ years ago (and many years before that), and that kind of gives me exciting hope for who I'll be in another few years' time. Keep challenging the irrational beliefs, and begin to be a bit more compassionate to myself. I'm getting there..... and I'm definitely still going on the run tomorrow. ;)