Even strangers believe in me, now it's my turn!

Today I was honoured and thrilled to get an email saying I'd won a competition set by the London Marathon to be one of their 6 official bloggers this year - updating a blog on the official VMLM website with training progress and my thoughts of the big day itself, etc. The entry form was a mini essay, and a list of your current online persona basically. Blogs, social media accounts, etc. I sent my entry off, with my story, and that was that. Of course, since then I got injured, and the pain didn't go away - I had made the decision recently to defer my entry to 2017.
So, despite winning a place on this small team of official bloggers for the 2016 race, I've had to decline! Gutted isn't a strong enough word for the disappointment - but it was tinged with the excitement that I'd been picked in the first place!!

I can't handle nice things and praise like that, I just don't know how to deal with it. I've been flustered all afternoon, but the thought that there is a tiny chance I might get picked for the 2017 blog team has been enough to galvanise me a bit more. I've had a couple of days of talking sternly to myself, haha, and perhaps the time for talking is over.

I had a lovely trail walk on Sunday, at Chatelherault. I thought I was sensible, I broke it up into two bits - 1.8 miles, then a cuppa and chat with friends, then 2.7 miles. I was slow, the ground was soft underfoot, and I stopped regularly to take photos and rest. It was really nice, and the weather was perfect too for winter. Cold, dry, bright and sunny. Later than evening, however, the PF pain was the worst it had been in months. I was crestfallen. I told myself "back to the drawing board - walking is out". And I... well, okay, I sulked. It's really silly - this whole way I'm dealing with the injury, mentally, and my weight gain, is just childish, and repeating negative thought patterns I've had my entire life. Black and white thinking: I'm either doing everything right, or I'm doing nothing right, there is no in-between.

It's within my own power to break those thought patterns, no matter how deeply ingrained they are. I turn 40 in just over a year and, hey, I'll be running a marathon! Not just any marathon, the London Marathon!! I won't be doing that if I'm 200+ lbs (I'm close...) and struggling with foot pain after 4.5 gentle miles of slow walking! :-) Apparently someone thought I was worthy of winning a competition, though highly enough of my story, my dedication, and my writing: which means even total strangers have belief in me. So let's get back my own belief, too - I've got a mountain to climb, and it's not going to be easy, but I've got to believe I can do it. Evidence, after all, has shown it's most definitely possible for me...

"As it went on the little engine kept bravely puffing faster and faster, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can." As it neared the top of the grade, which had so discouraged the larger engines, it went more slowly. However, it still kept saying, "I—think—I—can, I—think—I—can." It reached the top by drawing on bravery and then went on down the grade, congratulating itself by saying, "I thought I could, I thought I could." - The Little Engine That Could