My mood is fluctuating all over the place at the moment, with some general life stresses in the background, as well as not being able to run. Who'd have thought that latter bit would ever get me down, life truly is a-changing!! Anyway, as is my modus operandi, when my mood fluctuates, I eat. And eat. And eat. It sounds daft even writing that, because I'm an intelligent person, and it should be easy to identify that's what I'm doing and just 'decide not to do that', but it really isn't that simple. I tend to feel out of control a lot, and when I'm not handling my life terribly well overeating seeks to reassure me that, yes, I am indeed a complete failure. *wry smile* I know I'm not. Consciously, I know I'm not - subconsciously is a harder sell. However, I was given techniques last year in counselling to try and help me address this, and look after myself. I'm still very much a work in progress. :-)
Let's move on, though: I had a great weekend, albeit without any running at all for the first time in a long time. Saturday was spent with friends, and Sunday was spent cheering folk on the Southside Six race in Glasgow. This 16 mile (just under) race is incredibly popular, selling out super-fast, and is one I have a personal history with. A not very nice one. This weekend, though, I was spectating only - the sun was out, the day was beautiful, and I knew so many people running; perfect. After lots of hugs and chat before the start, I drove to a couple of different spots during the race, and cheered every single runner who passed me - leading to some pretty entertaining banter in return. "Isn't this race a bit short for you to be spectating at?" being a favourite from someone I didn't know, haha! Anyway, my friends ran well, and spirits seemed generally high all round. It gave me a really great lift - and more, it lit that fire inside me. In 2013, in one of my memorably lowest experiences ever with running, I completed the Southside Six in 3:47:46 (dead last by quite some way) - averaging a pace of 14:45 min/mile, it was a shorter route that year due to diversions. After the London Marathon next year, I have no races or goals in mind, but this weekend sparked the need in me to go for this. SS6, Nov 2016 - there's no reason why I couldn't set a challenging goal, and take a full hour off my time. I'll admit, I have no real idea of where my running will go over the next 12 months (and I need to sort this pelvis imbalance thing out, first, of course!) and thus setting a specific time goal for such a distant event might be a poor idea, but... I stood there on Sunday thinking: even if I ran this race today, with my current level of fitness and my current foot issues, I would get round in 3 hours. You know? That's what surprised me most when I was thinking later - it wasn't even an "I could" or a "I might", it was "I would".
So, as much as my mood fluctuations and my general lack of control at the moment is getting me down, there is very much light in the tunnel; I am speaking positively about my abilities, even to myself. I'm acknowledging, without doubt, what I'm capable of. It's things like that that make me confident I'll complete my first marathon, in April - and no matter what goals I end up picking for the rest of the year, I have confidence I'll be able to meet them. I'll be firming up my 2016 goals over the next couple of months, but for now, I'm pretty sure the future is bright. (I have my follow-up appointment with the osteopath later today - so let's hope she agrees.) x x
"I would" - Gotta love a light bulb moment. Here's to many more. xx
ReplyDeleteWhat a mixture of positives and negatives.
ReplyDeleteGetting the eating back under control will help with healing the injury as well as help reverse any weight gains. Weight will be a crucial part of being fit for doing a marathon.
I can't help but feel that building training around the goal of physical and mental well being rather than specifically marathon training will be more effective than trying to follow a traditional marathon training plan. Sure there will be elements that you'll need to have in your training to get ready to run 26 miles, but they needn't be long runs, tempo sessions or speed sessions. For instance going out hill walking is a brilliant way to build up time on your feet whilst getting an all around aerobic workout.
I would also look at training from the perspective of will power. You want enough training stimulus that your will power trained, but not so much as depleted leaving you empty and unable to resist temptation or poor choices elsewhere in your life. Have think back over the last year to what factors played a roll in the ebb and flowing of will power, day by day, week by week. Things you did that help build confidence and self belief were probably ones that built up your will power resilience and reserves rather than undermine them. Enumerating these and then folding these into your approach to the next six months will help.
I wonder if being regular with your weight reports might make a difference to how motivated you'll be to get the healthy eating back on the plate. Through this year you've changed focus on your blog from weight loss to chasing various running milestones and PB's. Being a runner makes me chuffed that you're bagging PB's where there and everywhere, but long term health has to be more important, or at least that I keep trying to tell myself ;-)