Sport Relief Swimathon 2014

Regular readers will know that after many, many years of being pretty damn averse to the idea of swimming (to the extent where I would get tearful and upset at even just the thought) I plucked up the nerve to join a complete beginners class in September 2012, and basically never looked back. Granted, I still haven't cracked front crawl, as it makes me massively panicky when I get a mouthful of water when trying to breathe to the side, but I have been swimming breast stroke (and occasionally back stroke, when the lanes are empty in the pool) regularly since late 2012, increasing the distance little by little, and smashing those mental barriers to pieces. I decided to sign up for the 1.5km distance Swimathon, to encourage me to keep swimming over winter, and to push myself to a distance I would never previously have dreamed possible.

Training went well, and I got up to 52 lengths (1300 metres) - so felt confident I could manage the distance overall, but my last few training sessions have gone badly mentally, so my confidence was knocked a little. It wasn't the swimming itself, but rather I was getting anxious about things like lane etiquette, and my general low self-esteem meaning I always felt like I should be getting out of other swimmers' ways, even if I had been in the lane first, and if they were swimming selfishly, etc. The closer the swimathon got, the more I started to get anxious about how many other people would be in my lane, how much faster they would be, would I be in their way, and so on... I woke up this morning thinking very clearly: "I don't want to go."

I didn't have much choice, though - my friends knew I was doing it, so no excuse short of a leg falling off would cut the mustard. Sadly, my leg hadn't fallen off (I checked. Twice.) so I turned up at Ainslie Park swimming centre with plenty of time to spare. I was given a brief instruction packet, and a coloured swim cap - mine was red, the pack indicated that each of the 8 lanes would each have people with one of each coloured caps, so the lap counters would be easily able to keep track. I shuffled off to the changing rooms, feeling a wee bit apprehensive.

I bumped into Kristen after changing, who was doing the 5km distance (200 lengths!), and after a quick chat about our nerves etc I went for a short warm-up. I swam 4 slow lengths, then rested a little, waiting for the pre-swim briefing. The briefing was delayed, there were some issues with sorting the lanes out, but soon enough we were sent to our lanes. That's when the wheels fell off, for me. I had been given the wrong colour hat, and should have been wearing blue - there was already a girl with a red cap in my lane, and the lady doing the lap counting would get confused. Thankfully, a blue cap was quickly found, and I ripped off my goggles and hat, put the new hat on, and in my rush I accidentally pulled off the rubber seal that goes around the left eye on the goggles. Oh, fuck. I had no time to get sorted, as the event was about to start right that second, and blue caps had to set off first, with the rest of the colours in 5 second intervals. We had to all get in the pool, and the 3 other people in my lane stopped me from being able to get my foot against the wall when the "go!" was shouted. Fuck, I couldn't push off, and my prescription goggles were fucked (I'm blind as a bat without them), and I knew I only had 5 seconds before the person behind me started!! To say I was disturbed is an understatement. I quickly tried to start swimming from a standing position a few feet away from the wall, and flailed about a bit as I heard the second, third and fourth people being set off. Within moments, I was tapped on my foot (the way we had been told to inform the person in front of us we wanted to overtake at lane-end), and then again, and then again. Yes, as I flailed my way up the pool, 3 other people were all desperately behind me wishing I'd hurry the fuck up. :( Not happy. Not happy at all. Plus I had my left eye tight shut, because that goggle lens was full of water, and in my hand I tightly clutched the rubber seal. I reached the end, and let the other 3 people go ahead of me. I set off straight after them, and watched them all swim off. I felt demoralised, and annoyed about my goggles, and really frustrated that despite the fact the organiser had asked us for predicted speeds, he'd obviously completely ignored that, putting the slowest swimmer first. I was pissed off.

At the end of the 2nd length, I was still too upset and also embarrassed to stop and sort my goggles off, so, with left eye shut, I set off again. During the 3rd lap, I tried to reset my mind and gain some clarity. Nearing the end, the white-cap guy had tapped my foot again, and so I stopped at the end to let him pass. I decided I would stop, take some calming breaths, and sort my goggles out. As I re-attached the rubber seal, the orange cap lady, and red cap girl, also reached the end and went on. I watched them all go, and very clearly told myself: "Let's re-start this. The bad situation at the start was only upsetting because I let it be. It's done now, and I have 57 lengths more to swim. The white cap guy is by far the fastest in our lane, so I'll watch where he is, and wait at lane ends if I see he's in the last 3rd of the pool, for him to pass safely. Orange cap lady is next fastest - and red cap girl is the slowest, but still faster than me. Just keep an eye on where they all are, and don't set off on a length if I will get caught during it. My mindset is all down to me to control, nobody else, so it's also down to me to change. Now." At almost exactly that moment, the sound system started playing the Rocky theme tune (I'm seriously not kidding) - I adjusted my fixed goggles, smiled, and set off.

From there, it was a totally different story. Length after length went by as I slowly swam. The pool's sound system was playing loads of songs from my running playlist, which was comforting and motiving in equal measure. The other swimmers in my lane had sussed out the speed hierarchy, just as I had, and we were working well together so as not to get in anybody's way. It went ridiculously smoothly. After a while, the lap counter told me I was halfway, at 30 lengths, and by the time I turned after lap 31, White Cap Man was finishing his 60th lap, to rapturous applause. I was dead impressed, and also happy to note we were now down to 3 people in the lane. On I went...! Shortly after my 41st lap, Orange Cap Lady finished, and then when I was on my 48th lap, Red Cap Girl finished too. I had just over 12 laps with the lane to myself. I contemplating throwing a quick backstroke length in, just for the hell of it, but in the end stuck to breast stroke the whole time.

The lady who was my lane's lap counter waved and told me when I hit 58, so just a there-and-back to complete, and I have to say I actually really enjoyed the last two. My forearms were tiring, I know I was slowing, but I was swimming further than I'd ever done before, and I wasn't hating it. Incredible! As I approached the 'finish line', I saw the organiser stand at my lane end, holding my medal, and I grinned. He announced my name to a ripple of applause as I touched the end, and bent down to give me my medal, and congratulate me. I was really thrilled. 1 hour, 10 minutes, 49 seconds. I'd estimated 70 minutes, and was pretty much bang on!

I have yet to master (or indeed manage at all, lol!) getting out of a swimming pool without steps, so I couldn't get out of the pool for a wee while, until I could move across the other lanes to the steps. The pool was getting much emptier now, with only the longer distance swimmers left - so I could look over to Kristen's lane, and saw her swimming well. I asked her lap counter how she was doing, and he said she was on 148 (lol, not all that long after I'd done 60!) but still a bit too much to go for me to stand around waiting, so I headed for the showers. By the time I'd showered, slowly dressed, done my hair, etc, I popped back to the poolside just in time to see Kristen finish - she was under her estimated time, with a fantastic 1:40:19 for the 5km swim. So impressed! And she was thrilled with it, too. I think we both had a successful afternoon, regardless of the difference in our swimming abilities!

I'm stupidly proud of myself for doing this - when I think back 18 months ago, how scared of swimming I was, to completing a 60-length swim in a busy pool, I can't help but be happy. And of course, the 4 laps I did as a warm up means I actually swam a mile today!! A MILE! I'm now someone who can swim a mile. I think that definitely deserves that ripple of applause. :-)