Start as you.... mean to go on?

I've not made a terribly active start to the new year, though my food intake has been pretty reasonable. I think sometimes it's a case of don't try to change too many things at once, but also now I've not got a gym membership (except the office one, which is only really office hours) and the weather is horrible, I'm flailing about a bit trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. On top of that, what running I have done in 2014 has been awful. Like, truly terrible. Saturday's parkrun, at around about 41½ minutes, was probably my worst EVER 5km time, and that includes when I very first started running at ridiculous-weight. Of course, I tend to forget I'm almost back at ridiculous-weight again, but still. It's definitely feeling like I'm back at square 1.

...which is actually kind of freeing, in a way. If I stop giving myself such a hard time all the damn time, and see myself as a clean, blank canvas, then the opportunities open up in front of me, and perhaps - just perhaps - I can achieve anything. Like... Well, this photograph was my Sunday evening. I didn't manage to complete walls I might have been able to a year ago, but who cares? I'm a new blank canvas, remember? I can stop thinking about what I could achieve a year ago. Stop thinking about where my running "ought" to be at the moment, and what I "ought" to be able to run, and just go out there and start from scratch. Take it slowly, but structured, and just go out to improve from where I am today, not to 'return to where I was 18 months ago' or similar.

Easier said than done, because not only am I my own worst enemy, but there are occasionally people who seem almost personally offended by my lack of improvement, but I know the important people in my life don't judge me. I'm trying very hard to stop beating myself up all the time, and this is a place where I can really work to do that. So, although it's a terrible cliché: new year new start.

Food-wise, I've started tracking everything I eat with the myfitnesspal app on my iPhone. So far, so good. I'm not brilliant at completing the data when I eat (filling it all in at the end of the day, meaning I have to try hard to remember everything I ate in detail), which I need to get better at if I want to be more mindful, but it's a nice wee intuitive app, and I'm a sucker for stats. :) It was easier to cook better meals for myself when I was still off work, but I just need to get my life a wee bit more organised to bring healthy food into the office with me, and the world's my oyster. x