Excitable all week in the build-up to the weekend, I tried to put the car purchase out of my mind. Come Saturday, the big day, and I turned up to do Tollcross parkrun over at Glasgow again, first. I was hoping I could get a PB, but also I was realistic that it would be pretty tough for me to do, as I'd ran really quite fast last week, amid the walking bits. Still, the weather was perfect, and I was meeting up with Davie and Julie again, so no excuses, I was running the 5km today! Heather told me she was sandwiching parkrun in between a run there and home, so wanted to do a much slower parkrun than usual, so she'd be running with me. (I think I wrote that just there in a way that makes it sound like an insult, but that's not how it was.... I hope! lol) - we gathered at the start, and set off, and immediately the big hill gets going, and I just think - damn. What am I doing here?! But onwards...
It was good to run with Heather, who seems to know everyone there, lol, and we kept a reasonable pace. I walked some of the hills again, and ran some of them. It felt like progress, of a type. Nice to see Katy marshalling halfway round the lap, but I'd know she was out there somewhere, so had been keeping an eye out. You definitely dont want to be walking when you pass someone you know marshalling, haha.
Thankfully, she was stood at the bottom of a hill, so I was running reasonably well each time I passed her! I found the uphill bits just as tough as last week, but pushed on, and with one lap to go, I figured I was on pretty much the same time as this point last week, give or take 5 seconds. (I'll check properly later.) The last lap was tough, those hills don't get any easier, but as the finishing bit on the grass started, I pushed myself hard, and crossed the finish line 42 seconds faster than last week in 36:13 - for a really hilly course, I'm happy with that. A photo taken of my finish (with the lovely Heather dropping kindly back to let me finish) shows I was really pushing for the line - admittedly, in my negativity I just focus on my stomach, but when I finally take my eyes away from the awfulness, I quite like the picture. It shows me how far I've come in my weightloss journey, but I think really shows how far I still have to go. I'm definitely a work in progress! :)After a post-run drink and chat in the cafe, Davie, Julie and I went for a swim. We didn't stay long, I was desperate to go pick up my new car, but I did 10 laps of breast stroke, and a bit of chilled-out bobbing about chatting too.
Then we got out, showered, dressed, and on to the car dealership, where I collected my new car, and left my old one behind - I've got loads of awesome memories tied to that wee blue car, but I'm excited about the memories I'm going to create with my new red one!! This last 15 months or so, with all the ultra races I've attended for cheering/supporting/marshalling duties, the mileage in the old car really crept up - I suspect the coming years will be even more, the more races I attend, and the more training sessions I have away from my own backyard. (I don't have a backyard. I don't even have a windowbox. You know what I mean. though.) It's a promising future.Anyway, to the point of the blog title. Saturday was a really great day, but I woke up on Sunday feeling absolutely drained of all enthusiasm for doing anything. I just felt no motivation, no desire to even bother getting dressed, let alone get a long run done. I procrastinated around the flat for a few hours, half-heartedly tidying bits up, or looking out the window at the car, before eventually it reached about 11am, and I reasoned it was too sunny and wamr outside for me to do a midday long run, so I pulled on some jeans and went out in the car to the supermarket. My general blah-ness continued, as I wandered around the store making poor food choices, and on returning home I basically sat in front of the TV eating and thinking about not very much at all. I'm not ill, I just felt zero motivation or enthusiasm. I know a lot of people would advise that I should have just gone for a run anyway, but I'm not the sort of person for whom exercise endorphins kick in during activity. No, I'd have just got more miserable, walked LOADS, and basically given up - there was little point in doing a long run at all. Once I finally decided that, by about 3pm, I packed a swimming kit up and went to the gym. I swam 40 laps of breast stroke - only the second ever time I've swam 1km!! I timed myself, and did it in 50 minutes, so not exactly a speed demon, but that's a nice target to aim to beat next time round. Bear in mind I only took lessons a year ago, after over 20 years of being too afraid to swim, and I'm very pleased. I left the pool feeling the best I had all day, and surprised I wasn't beating myself up about not running.
Today, Monday, comes around, and despite lying out my running gear before I went to bed last night, I completely ignored it. I sat on the sofa eating breakfast, watching the news, and browsing the internet. For 3 hours. Then I went to work. What's going on??! In thinking about it this morning, I can't decide whether it's a wee emotional come-down from being over-excited about the car purchase, which will hopefully be very short-lived, or if it's fear and self-sabotage kicking in about the 16 mile race which is less than 5 weeks away (and could, therefore, last the full 5 weeks). It may be a bit of both. Either way, I need to kick myself out of it pretty damn quickly, and figure out a way to get a long run done asap without running in a rough part of the city in the dark. My long runs have been along the cycle paths that take me though some rough areas, and I wouldn't be focussed on my running and breathing and posture etc. if I'm constantly fearful about my surroundings. I think I'll need to stick to busy, well-lit streets, and aim to have at least half of the run in daylight. It will just take a wee bit of thought. Right now, though, I have no desire whatsoever to even think about it. And it's lunchtime, so I quite fancy a bit of chocolate.... oh dear. x
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