Real life...

So now that the excitement of supporting friends at their 'A' races this year (Tamara at the Moonwalk, Paula at the Ironman 70.3, and John at the West Highland Way Race) has come to an end, I find myself back at work, facing back up to 'real life', and a wee bit deflated and unsure how to move on.

On the face of things, I should be more motivated than ever before to work on my own training for my main race for 2013, which is now just over 18 weeks away, especially as I am WELL outside the fitness and ability levels needed for it. I am feeling somewhat procrastinatory (it's a real word, I say so) - over the last 3-ish weeks, I've watched some epic feats of speed walking, swim-bike-running, and ultra-running, and deep down I know I'm nowhere near the level of these people, yet while this should push me onwards, I find I am reverting to the me of old, where deep down the voice inside says 'you can't do this, so why even bother trying?', and the rest of me actually listens... How do I batter the voice into submission? I was talking about this with Bob last week when we went for a short run up Dumyat Hill in the Ochils - we walked briskly (ish) up the hill, and ran down, and I think for such a newcomer to trails and hill-running, I did okay, but I know that I'd do so much better with improved fitness, dropping some weight, and just getting out there and training my arse off. I have to keep reminding myself how far I've come since 2010 - I'm over 65lbs lighter, I've done things I never thought possible, and I've challenged myself in many ways - yet I keep focussing on what I still have yet to do. I talked with Bob about that insidious voice inside, though, and was told I should just keep on doing things that make it get that wee bit quieter. I was running down a f*cking steep hill, for goodness sake. At what point am I going to start believing in myself?

I kind of have a training plan for the race in November, but ultimately the long and short of it is I need to just get out and run. Why is that concept so difficult? Well, 16 miles is further than I'll have ever ran before, and I know what happened in May when I did the half marathon... I know it seems silly after watching people running 95 miles, but the thought of running more than 2 or 3 miles right now makes me nervous. So I guess it's good timing that Sunday brings another social trail run at Chatelherault, on the almost-5 mile loop. Time to man the f*ck up, and just get on with it. There, said it now. My next blog post had better include a training run, huh?!! x x