There are probably more, but I'm only two mugs of tea into my day, and caffeine has yet to wind it's loving fingers around my brain.
What do I want? How much do I want it? And - more importantly - what am I prepared to do to get it?
What do I value, really? I constantly talk about how in my weightloss journey I refuse to completely give up 'treats', just cut back - all things in moderation. Mainly because if I deny myself something, I focus on it until it's eating me away, and I end up breaking, and bingeing. There's another D Word right there: denial. I don't give myself credit for strength of mind. I plan under the knowledge I'll fail? Why can't I give things up that don't get me closer to my goals?
If the answer is closer, pull the trigger. If it's farther away, make a different choice.
Conscious choice making is a critical step in making your dreams a reality." - Jillian Michaels
Every decision I make needs to be done with my goals in mind. So what are my goals, and what am I prepared to do to reach them?! - with a lot of thought in this, I would say I want to cross the finish line of the London Marathon in 2017 feeling pride in what I've achieved. I'm not sure which part of this is the hardest, running a marathon, or finishing proud, but right now it would be the last part - the pride. I dislike the person I am, right now, as hard as it is to admit that. Looking back, when I was running well last summer, what gave me the drive and determination was the fact that almost every planned session I would look at the training plan, roll my eyes a bit, and think "aye right, I'll never manage that..." - then I would go and hit it to the letter! I would feel stunned, but proud. It's gone, now. I felt the briefest awakening of that feeling in the gym the other day : I was telling my trainer that I'd managed to bench press 22.5kgs for 5 reps, not gone any higher because I didn't have anyone spotting me (for safety, a spotter stands behind in readiness to take the weight should the lifter struggle) - I followed that with an eyes-lowered "of course my old one rep max is 32.5, but I'm nowhere near that...." - midway through the workout that followed he took me over to the bench, where I did a few sets that lead to 5 reps at 30kgs! My shock was palpable. I didn't think I was capable of that. We had a chat from there about self-belief, about trust, and about work ethic when it comes to going after what you want.
Though I'm not an ultra runner, I've learned a lot about it over the last several years I've been interested in reading about it etc. From seeing those who train to be at the pointy end of races, and those who train to beat personal goals, and those who get carried along on a tide of excitement, the family feeling of the community and 'fear of missing out' who sign up for everything going, including those who ultimately break or underperform to what they expected. It's given me even more to think about when it comes to those d-words from earlier. You see a lot of people with the desire to run a certain race, but unless they have direction and drive, will they succeed? Are they going to risk injury, or underperformance? In my opinion, every training session should have a purpose - even if that days purpose is "time on feet" or something vague. All have value, but I do believe you need to know what that is, before you go into it. Recently talking to a friend who has been running well in ultras for years, but recently decided to take coaching, that's been such a huge difference for her. Accountability and direction, but knowing that each session you do is there for a reason.
So in a long-winded way, what I'm musing on this morning is things along this topic. Am I prepared to completely give up things like milky coffees and traybake cakes in coffee shops, on the strictest understanding that the decision, the sacrifice, is done with my goals in mind? Am I ready to work hard every day on my mindset, no matter how much I'd rather lie on the couch with my brain switched off, browsing social media for hours at a time? Am I prepared for doing those things in the gym that really challenge me? Am I prepared to focus the idea of "losing weight" around my real goals, rather than weightloss being the goal itself? Am I ready for being truly focussed on me?
Believe it or not I'm now humming the old 80s TV show theme tune for Record Breakers, sang by the late Roy Castle – ‘If you want to be the best, if you want to beat the rest, dedication’s what you need’. I mentioned Roy in the context of all of the above, in a chat with Myles the other night. Roy Castle didn't just magically become a TV star. He worked hard for years, and years, and years in smoky nightclubs and working men's clubs. At no point did he think : "well. I'm getting nowhere here, I'm clearly rubbish and should just pack it all in. Trumpets are stupid anyway." - which is pretty much what my thinking would be. (They are, mind.) - I am lucky to know some successful athletes, and they don't reach the top with "luck". They work fucking hard for it - and it's time I did the same for myself.
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